I was thinking....

19th Dec 09 night, 3am, which is already 20th Dec 09. I was about to go to bed then I went to stand at the balcony, don't know why I did that, most probably was too stress after studying. The night was so quiet. What I could hear was the sound of lorry and car passing by on the street. The street is not near my house, quite a distance but it was so quiet that I could hear that far.

3am in the morning, then I start wondering why should I stress myself up so much sitting at home trying to memorize as much stuff I can to go for exam, since I was able to stay up till 3am without feeling tired, why not I be like those lorry driver? Don't have to worry too much, just start driving and reach destination in time, that's all. Then can drive freely on the street where there is not much car during this late hour. Being a lorry driver I don't need to know too many things like optical fiber, how does the fiber optic transmit light which contain signal in it? what are the noise throughout the whole optical communication system? What are the material that is best for making an optical source and the photodetector? then cracking my head to remember tones of formula from easy to the hardest one. Why izit so hard to get a degree? Why must we make ourselves suffer so much?

Why? Why? Why? and the question why is still being asked by me. We know how to say our life is short, why not just enjoy our life while we can, although achievement is some kinda proud to one's own self but is it everyone can enjoy the process before he/she achieves something? Well, if can then maybe I am not the one.

Felt this way because I am too stress by now. Too many things to memorize, too many calculation to be done, too many fixed constant value that I should knw, ie: h=6.626 x 10^-34 and so on.

Or maybe its time for me to get a girlfriend. Well, I don't have the rights to choose but to those who don't mind to have a boyfriend who is not handsome, who is fat, lazy, not funny with his cold jokes, but sincerely looking for a serious relationship, no matter who you are, no matter how you look, fat thin tall short, please step forward and confess to me ok. If your attitude not suitable with me or maybe your style somehow makes me think that you are not suitable for me then I will have thousands and millions of reason to reject you, well, I hope my way to reject doesn't hurt. And if there is a reason for me to accept you, the only reason is saying "YES", that's all.

People around me all getting girlfriend except for me. My secondary classmates, uni classmates, why am I left single? Is it so hard to get a girlfriend with how I look? Maybe yes. Even my ex has found new boyfriend, not just one after we broke up but why I can't find one for myself? Does this mean that only one girl of all the women on this earth would accept me as their boyfriend? Who in this case is my ex. Or maybe she was just feeling bored and wanted to get boyfriend so simply "layan". Hmm...

I think I should stop thinking right now and continue with my studies. Wish myself best of luck in my exams as well as good luck to all my fellow friends that are sitting for exam. ALL THE BEST!!

*wanted to upload a pic of my ex, but its not good to do so... :)*