A Silly Mistake that brings a Huge Consequence

I have been really sad lately. So sad that I lost control of my feelings and emotions and did some stupid silly mistake that is making me suffering right now. It hurts a lot, but I am not able to do anything to overcome this. I hate being this helpless and I hate myself for loosing my thoughts. I should have think twice before I do that. Just when I did something I thought can slightly make the problem better but the worse mistake is missed out.

Never felt this shit anymore. Especially when I heard something that's not what I want. Shit~!!

I hate myself. Why is life have to be this complicated and hard? Why can't I be forgiven? I have been hurt with similar way but then I can forgive but why am I not forgiven when I am just making a mistake which I never mean to do it. People do lost control sometimes. Maybe this is something really serious and can't be forgiven and forgotten.

I hate to be in this situation right now. Wish to turn back the time.

I just wish that this bad thing of me can end very soon and regain my happy life. GOD, help me please. I am really running out of idea what to do to make this problem go away. Is this a test for me? A real and the hardest one?

I hope after this test is passed, there wont be anymore tests for me. Please. I can take it but I am not sure everybody can take it. Please~~~