Helplessly~~~

Here I am again to blog. Thought that after I have a relationship I can start to write happy blogs but I am here now to write about sad ones. If you are not ready to read sad stories, maybe you are sad too, please do not further reading this blog.

Well, I have been very useless for being a bf to a girl. Useless in the way that I am not able to fulfill her requirements. The biggest thing I am not able to fulfill is being there with her when she needs me, or maybe need someone. I don't fed up with her for not understanding my situations, like, my parents give me limited freedom, my car is too small and old and my dad don't allow me to go alone, the journey is far and dangerous, all that, its ok if she don't understand, I am just fed up with myself cause why can't I gain enough freedom and go find her? Why can't I have the money to get a bigger car which is suitable to go on highways? Why can't I get the trust from my parents that I am able to drive on highway anytime I want. Why? Why? Why?

I am just very useless. We have been quarreling about this problem for a very long time and it just gone worsen as her stress is building up more and more. Looking at her having so much stress and I am here can't do anything but just saying yes when she said "if you can't be here physically to accompany me then just shut up and go away"? Gosh, I do really hate myself very very much. Sigh~~~

When only I can be like some of my friends being able to accompany their gf whenever they want? I wish very much to go find her but I can't, need to ask permission from parents, need to check if my car is ok then only I can go, shit, it just feel SHIT!!!

Went to Seremban today, and had some problem with my car, dad told me, your car is not suitable to be driven on highway much, it really worries me. It means I won't be able to go find my gf as often as I want already. I rushed back to Melaka at 330pm as I am having a meeting at 4pm but then when I reach Melaka and drop my dad and want to go for that meeting, then only I was told that it has been canceled earlier on. If I was told earlier on, then I can go find my gf and maybe the situation now won't be this bad.

I hope there won't be more bad news coming. I am not sure I can heal from continuous hurting anymore or not. So far I have hurt twice. I hope there won't be the third because I am not able to be there for her when she needed someone. Sigh~~~

Hope days will be better.